The Difference Time Can Make?

I love this picture!

Pride and wonder… My father looks very proud while I seem to be looking off into the distance, maybe even a little concerned?

There are relationships in our lives that help mould us and the nature of how that happens is actually quite natural yet inconspicuous.

I, after a long break, finally had the opportunity to reconnect with my beautiful sons!

Yuta now 15 and Louis now 12 have certainly grown and changed in the last 5 years but the sum of our time spent together still outweighs the time spent apart. Much has happened and certainly much has been said to try and infect the love that exists between us.

How much manipulation can you use before even a master manipulator exposes her hidden strings?

The conversation with my boys was natural, gentle and some how it had a tender tone to it!

I have missed you both more than I will ever be able to express!

Talking with you both has rejuvenated me; it reminded me in a very real and tangible way of how much I love you.

How did all of this happen?

Last Friday I had a great day in court. A Judge understood! He really understood and endeavored to explain and tried to make her understand that there are consequences to our actions and inactions. He lectured eloquently and emphasized that it wasn’t too late to right the ship – that a paternal influence is critical and that even though the distance between homes is greater than usual with responsible action the situation can be managed appropriately.

He understood…

I really don’t know what will happen but I will always be grateful for his understanding, compassion and foresight!

And so the journey continues…

“The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.” Robert Frost

Love,
Dad

Life as a process!

There is a lot that we take for granted in life until we are asked to justify, explain or make sense of it!

About 15 years ago I was living in Japan and had a beautiful son named Yutaka Denzel Darisse, the pride of my life and not too long after I was blessed again with a second son Louis Kei Darisse. All was right with the world (or so it seemed).

As the pages of the calendar went by I shared a very close and loving relationship with both my sons, so many wonderful memories! We really were close and they mean everything to me.

I have had to justify what kind of a parent I am, when all who know me and knew of my relationship with my sons would easily testify to the fact that I was a great father! Even their mother has often said that - only to suggest otherwise when it became convenient to do so...

Not many parents have to justify themselves in front of strangers in a very emotionally challenging environment. I approached this challenge with optimism even though my sons were taken from me in December of 2004. I had faith in the fact that no one would knowingly conspire to remove a loving parent from a child’s life.

Even though that is exactly what had happened - I believed that the situation could be resolved and that everyone’s interest could be respected.

It is now February of 2010 and I am again going to court to try and establish some sanity to this ridiculous situation...

My heart naturally hopes for the best but my emotions or reason understands that the current inequity will most likely prevail.

Life has been moving forward and much has changed but my eternal love for my boys is stronger than ever and although time is trying to make me forget it is only making me love them more.

Love,
Dad

What to Say!

Another winter is here and I was thinking...

About the rink I had made for us in the back yard. Hoping to be able to share my passion for skating with you both. We really did have a lot of fun playing together on that small rink ....

About the many times we were outside shoveling the snow and throwing snow balls at each other ...

About the times we went skiing together, I remember the time we were driving back from Tremblant on the back roads and came to that infamous place where the road climbs suddenly and as we crested the hill the sudden drop provoked Yuta to fly up in the air and gently hit his head. I remember how Louis didn't like to carve turns and he much preferred going straight down the hill - as I frantically ran after him ...

About how I used to panic because I worried that I hadn't bought you both enough presents for Christmas' ...

I miss you still and love you more,

Dad

“The heart that truly loves never forgets.”

Dissecting a relationship, inject personal opinion, conjecture and out right lies!

At some point the truth has to manifest itself and I assume time will play the role of filter. My life has been and will continue to be affected by my current reality but the question I have is how can she sleep at night?

She has decided (adamantly) that life, her life, moves on and with it she influences Yuta and Louis’s realities. I am certain that her careful manipulation has orchestrated a sense of loss for both of my beautiful sons –

This is the most painful consequence I am forced to live with…

Her recent affidavit states that both Yuta and Louis are disappointed that I haven’t remembered their birthdays and other celebrated holidays. I have diligently tried to establish a channel of communication and she has consciously ignored every attempt.
Yet somehow I should have been able to overcome that! Her continued effort to obfuscate and leverage pity is phenomenal. Let us not forget that I lived in Japan for the better part of 10 years. I know her family I know her reality – I have personally experienced her purposeful manipulation of reality.

Yuta and Louis I love you and I have never forgotten your birthdays and I wake up everyday wondering what you are thinking and how you are spending your time.

I can assure you both that my love for you will never dissipate and is only growing stronger and stronger.

You are my sons and will always be know matter what anyone says or does….. I have held you when you were sad, we have wrestled and played for hours, I was your care giver when you were sick and we have spent hours reading and just being together! What she will never tell you (I’m sure) is that she has often said that I am a great father. It isn’t to her advantage to say that now nor was it when she stood in front of the judge a few years ago but that only greater illustrates who she is and her capacity to love and subsequently be loved.

I specifically choose this picture for this blogg entry because I want you to look closely at Louis’s hands!

His right hand is holding my hand while his left hand is pressed against my chest – making sure that I am there with him….

Yuta and Louis I am still here ….

Love,
Dad

Another Milestone

November 24th, 2009, will mark another step forward (maybe?). After twisting and turning around how to take action I was advised that I could serve FRO and try and change the original court order..... What will change?

Family law has the right motives and intentions but it requires that the people it aims to serve and protect act with grace, humility and reason. There isn't any room for selfishness and there in lies my challenge....

I am blessed with unconditional love and support from Family & friends and with that as my anchor I will try to right the wrong but understand that there is only so much that can be done...

The end goal is to try and affect a form of change that will provoke a stream of communication and with that an ability to re-establish healthy communication. My sons may be living thinking that they are forgotten but they never were and the love that exist here for them will always be strong...

Yuta & Louis I love you more than you will ever be able to understand and there are many here who feel the same way....

... Another Milestone ...

The Threads Of Memory

....pictures I was able to gather from friends & family, because I wasn't given the option to keep any of the many family pictures we had....

Scanning over the many pictures I have I am instantly drawn back to a time when I shared my days with my beautiful sons. Trying to express how much I miss them is... impossible...

I think of you every day!

Yesterday I was about to select a playlist on my Ipod and a random picture of Louis came across the screen ... and a smile overcame me!

I wish I could get some news from them or a recent picture, something!

Yuta & Louis, I want you to know that I love you and miss you more than words can describe and that I think of you all the time.

Love,
Dad

Family

I spend a great deal of time thinking about what this very important yet simple word means, family!

I have 2 beautiful boys who I love and think of all the time, the memories I have are unbelievably special and I reflect on them very often. My challenge is that someone has decided that I shouldn't have the opportunity to generate new memories.

I am blessed to have a wonderful family and I realize that many don't have the good fortune that I have.

Family - for those of you in my life that I refer to as family.... Thank you!

Love,
Pat