Reliving old memories!

Yuta and Louis,

I was looking forward to spending the summer with you both! it would have been great just to catch up and hang out! I will have to travel to Japan to see you both as it doesn't seem possible for you to come here... I have a beautiful bedroom for you guys and you would love your house here. We are in a new neighborhood and it really is beautiful.

I miss you both so much and think of you all the time!

Love,
Dad

My only voice!

Better to act than just think and worry... If there were post on this blogg for every time I prayed, cried, smiled or thought about the 2 of you this would be the longest blogg ever published.

But instead I simply go on living my life and hope that somehow you know how much I love you both.

Talking with you both was a beautiful yet peculiar experience, hearing your voices and hearing how healthy and strong you sounded was amazing! But hearing how disconnected you are with the time I spent in Japan (with and without you) was strange. I lived there for almost 10 years and have many great memories - most of them with you. We were always together, I was there for you both through so many nights and days and that somehow didn't seemed to resonate in your voices - and I know why! I am not trying angry with you but understand how deep the manipulation reaches. Recently Judges here in Canada recognized that what your mother has done and is doing is wrong and they understood that my rights as your father have been purposely ignored and manipulated... Finally a voice of reason. Because this whole ordeal has been ridiculous... I hope that you remember how much I love you, Oh do I love you both and miss you so much. I dreamt the other day that we were together in Hawaii and we were just hanging out and talking, we were together again face to face and that dream was amazing.

I love you both soooooooo much!

Love
dad

Look North!

Yuta & Louis,
July 2nd is fast approaching and tat means that once again I will sit in front of a Judge to plead my case and to once again hope that we will see each other soon.

Time has a way of making people forget but we were once very close and spent much time together. You were my number 1 priority and I was/am prepared to do anything to take care of you.

That feeling has not changed (it never changed) and I would give everything I have to be able to be sitting in front of you trying to explain what has happened in the last few years!

Love,
Dad

Communication...Real Love...

Where there appeared to be hope the continued game playing and lack of real mothering has once again created a sense of ambiguity.

It really is simple when our actions reflect our honest intent. Long ago when the relationship was "called on the carpet", she asked (sheepishly: as I've come to know now) that I not take the boys away from her! To which I assured her that I would never do such a thing... As we defined the way the relationship would continue and the when/how I would see the boys I gave in to practical considerations - giving up my need/desire to make sure that the boys routine remained as normal as possible. If only I had known what she was ultimately planning to do...

She has always acted without any responsibility - everything was happening to her and she had no control -

She continues, even now when 2 different judges have suggested that she take responsibility, to act like she doesn't have to participate in the process for it to be successful.

You know what you have failed as a mother... you are not able to understand that it is and has never been about you! You have been successful in garnering sympathy but at the end of the day you are just like everyone else and you will be held accountable for your actions!

Yuta and Louis - I don't know if you have ever read this blogg over the years and I continue to hope that some day we will be able to talk face to face about all the emotions that have been so deeply woven around our lives.


Love,
Dad

The Difference Time Can Make?

I love this picture!

Pride and wonder… My father looks very proud while I seem to be looking off into the distance, maybe even a little concerned?

There are relationships in our lives that help mould us and the nature of how that happens is actually quite natural yet inconspicuous.

I, after a long break, finally had the opportunity to reconnect with my beautiful sons!

Yuta now 15 and Louis now 12 have certainly grown and changed in the last 5 years but the sum of our time spent together still outweighs the time spent apart. Much has happened and certainly much has been said to try and infect the love that exists between us.

How much manipulation can you use before even a master manipulator exposes her hidden strings?

The conversation with my boys was natural, gentle and some how it had a tender tone to it!

I have missed you both more than I will ever be able to express!

Talking with you both has rejuvenated me; it reminded me in a very real and tangible way of how much I love you.

How did all of this happen?

Last Friday I had a great day in court. A Judge understood! He really understood and endeavored to explain and tried to make her understand that there are consequences to our actions and inactions. He lectured eloquently and emphasized that it wasn’t too late to right the ship – that a paternal influence is critical and that even though the distance between homes is greater than usual with responsible action the situation can be managed appropriately.

He understood…

I really don’t know what will happen but I will always be grateful for his understanding, compassion and foresight!

And so the journey continues…

“The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.” Robert Frost

Love,
Dad

Life as a process!

There is a lot that we take for granted in life until we are asked to justify, explain or make sense of it!

About 15 years ago I was living in Japan and had a beautiful son named Yutaka Denzel Darisse, the pride of my life and not too long after I was blessed again with a second son Louis Kei Darisse. All was right with the world (or so it seemed).

As the pages of the calendar went by I shared a very close and loving relationship with both my sons, so many wonderful memories! We really were close and they mean everything to me.

I have had to justify what kind of a parent I am, when all who know me and knew of my relationship with my sons would easily testify to the fact that I was a great father! Even their mother has often said that - only to suggest otherwise when it became convenient to do so...

Not many parents have to justify themselves in front of strangers in a very emotionally challenging environment. I approached this challenge with optimism even though my sons were taken from me in December of 2004. I had faith in the fact that no one would knowingly conspire to remove a loving parent from a child’s life.

Even though that is exactly what had happened - I believed that the situation could be resolved and that everyone’s interest could be respected.

It is now February of 2010 and I am again going to court to try and establish some sanity to this ridiculous situation...

My heart naturally hopes for the best but my emotions or reason understands that the current inequity will most likely prevail.

Life has been moving forward and much has changed but my eternal love for my boys is stronger than ever and although time is trying to make me forget it is only making me love them more.

Love,
Dad