What to Say!

Another winter is here and I was thinking...

About the rink I had made for us in the back yard. Hoping to be able to share my passion for skating with you both. We really did have a lot of fun playing together on that small rink ....

About the many times we were outside shoveling the snow and throwing snow balls at each other ...

About the times we went skiing together, I remember the time we were driving back from Tremblant on the back roads and came to that infamous place where the road climbs suddenly and as we crested the hill the sudden drop provoked Yuta to fly up in the air and gently hit his head. I remember how Louis didn't like to carve turns and he much preferred going straight down the hill - as I frantically ran after him ...

About how I used to panic because I worried that I hadn't bought you both enough presents for Christmas' ...

I miss you still and love you more,

Dad

“The heart that truly loves never forgets.”

Dissecting a relationship, inject personal opinion, conjecture and out right lies!

At some point the truth has to manifest itself and I assume time will play the role of filter. My life has been and will continue to be affected by my current reality but the question I have is how can she sleep at night?

She has decided (adamantly) that life, her life, moves on and with it she influences Yuta and Louis’s realities. I am certain that her careful manipulation has orchestrated a sense of loss for both of my beautiful sons –

This is the most painful consequence I am forced to live with…

Her recent affidavit states that both Yuta and Louis are disappointed that I haven’t remembered their birthdays and other celebrated holidays. I have diligently tried to establish a channel of communication and she has consciously ignored every attempt.
Yet somehow I should have been able to overcome that! Her continued effort to obfuscate and leverage pity is phenomenal. Let us not forget that I lived in Japan for the better part of 10 years. I know her family I know her reality – I have personally experienced her purposeful manipulation of reality.

Yuta and Louis I love you and I have never forgotten your birthdays and I wake up everyday wondering what you are thinking and how you are spending your time.

I can assure you both that my love for you will never dissipate and is only growing stronger and stronger.

You are my sons and will always be know matter what anyone says or does….. I have held you when you were sad, we have wrestled and played for hours, I was your care giver when you were sick and we have spent hours reading and just being together! What she will never tell you (I’m sure) is that she has often said that I am a great father. It isn’t to her advantage to say that now nor was it when she stood in front of the judge a few years ago but that only greater illustrates who she is and her capacity to love and subsequently be loved.

I specifically choose this picture for this blogg entry because I want you to look closely at Louis’s hands!

His right hand is holding my hand while his left hand is pressed against my chest – making sure that I am there with him….

Yuta and Louis I am still here ….

Love,
Dad

Another Milestone

November 24th, 2009, will mark another step forward (maybe?). After twisting and turning around how to take action I was advised that I could serve FRO and try and change the original court order..... What will change?

Family law has the right motives and intentions but it requires that the people it aims to serve and protect act with grace, humility and reason. There isn't any room for selfishness and there in lies my challenge....

I am blessed with unconditional love and support from Family & friends and with that as my anchor I will try to right the wrong but understand that there is only so much that can be done...

The end goal is to try and affect a form of change that will provoke a stream of communication and with that an ability to re-establish healthy communication. My sons may be living thinking that they are forgotten but they never were and the love that exist here for them will always be strong...

Yuta & Louis I love you more than you will ever be able to understand and there are many here who feel the same way....

... Another Milestone ...

The Threads Of Memory

....pictures I was able to gather from friends & family, because I wasn't given the option to keep any of the many family pictures we had....

Scanning over the many pictures I have I am instantly drawn back to a time when I shared my days with my beautiful sons. Trying to express how much I miss them is... impossible...

I think of you every day!

Yesterday I was about to select a playlist on my Ipod and a random picture of Louis came across the screen ... and a smile overcame me!

I wish I could get some news from them or a recent picture, something!

Yuta & Louis, I want you to know that I love you and miss you more than words can describe and that I think of you all the time.

Love,
Dad

Family

I spend a great deal of time thinking about what this very important yet simple word means, family!

I have 2 beautiful boys who I love and think of all the time, the memories I have are unbelievably special and I reflect on them very often. My challenge is that someone has decided that I shouldn't have the opportunity to generate new memories.

I am blessed to have a wonderful family and I realize that many don't have the good fortune that I have.

Family - for those of you in my life that I refer to as family.... Thank you!

Love,
Pat

THERE ARE MANY WHO LOVE YOU!

You have a great deal of love and support waiting for you.
If you ever feel like the world seems very small you only have to remember how much I love you and that there are many here who feel the same way.

I will email you again today in hope that you will get the message -

As my day begins I realize that your days are ending... Yuta & Louis I love you!

Love,
Dad

MISSING YOU!

Wondering what you are doing right now?

Every day I wake and think, what are you think - what challenges are you facing what is making you laugh?

So much has happened!

I haven't been keeping up with this blogg because every time I post something it takes me hours to recover.

I promiss to get back at it on a regular basis.

All my love

Love,
Dad