I recently lived another father's day and I was reminded of something, that I will have to spend the rest of my life explaining how much I love you both and how important fatherhood has always been to me.
I spend a great deal of time thinking about what you must be thinking.
I love you both more than life and although you may think that my choices may not demonstrate that I am convinced that the day will come when it will be the truth!
Who am I kidding.... Everyday is a painful reminder of everything that I am missing, everyday I remember the time we spent together, literally every moment we shared - explored and re-explored.
I can almost smell you and feel you jumping on me !
Yuta, I always wanted to explain something to you and at this point I would of had the chance to do just that and what I would of told you is that I always loved you and respected your competitive edge because you are just like me.
I hated loosing as a child, hated it and couldn't accept anyone taking the ball away from me, the puck away from me or running faster than me......................... just hated it and cried when it happened ( but it didn't happen often...) just like you I am sure.
Your mother told me that the reason she took interest in me was because I was surprisingly kind to her and when I finally decided to challenge her and stand up to her she said that I had lost my kind face....... but I was just standing up for what my needs and asking her to understand and we (I) are now living with her capacity of understanding others.......
Sorry, I wanted to share my thoughts but more importantly to tell you that I love you. this was my first father's day without a father and I wanted you both to know that you have a father who loves you and misses you every minute of every day.....
Love,
Dad
