Where there appeared to be hope the continued game playing and lack of real mothering has once again created a sense of ambiguity.
It really is simple when our actions reflect our honest intent. Long ago when the relationship was "called on the carpet", she asked (sheepishly: as I've come to know now) that I not take the boys away from her! To which I assured her that I would never do such a thing... As we defined the way the relationship would continue and the when/how I would see the boys I gave in to practical considerations - giving up my need/desire to make sure that the boys routine remained as normal as possible. If only I had known what she was ultimately planning to do...
She has always acted without any responsibility - everything was happening to her and she had no control -
She continues, even now when 2 different judges have suggested that she take responsibility, to act like she doesn't have to participate in the process for it to be successful.
You know what you have failed as a mother... you are not able to understand that it is and has never been about you! You have been successful in garnering sympathy but at the end of the day you are just like everyone else and you will be held accountable for your actions!
Yuta and Louis - I don't know if you have ever read this blogg over the years and I continue to hope that some day we will be able to talk face to face about all the emotions that have been so deeply woven around our lives.
Love,
Dad
